I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
