i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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