It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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