Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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