I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
