Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
