The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
