oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
