There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
