i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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