his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
