Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
