He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
