Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
