i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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