I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
