I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
