I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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