I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
