I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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