Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
