I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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