If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
