I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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