I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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