Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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