One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
