The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
