U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
