just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
