She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
bring money and cleavage
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
