I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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