So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
