Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Randomize
