Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
