I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
