the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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