I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
