you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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