You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
