Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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