You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
