By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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