if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
