I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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