Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
