Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
