So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
