Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
only if we run a train.
done.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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