just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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