I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
