So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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