i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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