atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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