last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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